Little German In Big Tokyo
by Shimegami
Summary: Oh, God, what was I on when I wrote this?? *bangs head against desk* Ugha...this is extreme stupidity in it's quantam form. Read at your own risk to your brain cells.
1. It Begins...

Little German In Big Tokyo  
By Shimegami  
Warnings: Cussing, German, Yaoi  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.  
AN: Yes! It's my fic where Shuldig talks entirely in German! I provided translations at the end, don't worry. Babelfish is a wonderful thing. ||^_^||  
ShuXFarfie and BradXNagi pairings. Yes, I admit, I'm yaoi-corrupted. So hit me.  
  
Little German In Big Tokyo  
  
"Heilige Scheiße![1]"  
  
Shuldig stood in the street, craning his neck. This building was huge!! He was expected to work for some rich guy who probably saw buildings as penis substitutes?  
  
"Meine Lebensdauer hat ein neues Tief geschlagen.[2]"  
  
"You are Shuldig?" A voice sounded off to his right.  
  
"Ja so was?[3]"  
  
The man smirked. Shuldig didn't like that smirk.  
  
"I am Bradley Crawford, and the leader of Schwartz."  
  
"Sie haben eine Stockweise zu weit herauf Ihren Esel.[4]"  
  
"Glad to hear that. Follow me."  
  
"Ja Up Herrn Stuck.[5]"  
  
They walked into the building, and the American led Shuldig into the elevator. they went up. And up some more. Then, for a nice change in pace, they went up some more.  
  
"Ich hasse Aufzüge aus diesem Grund. Woher erhalten sie diese Musik?[6]"  
  
"From second-rate composers who think they're good because they can write elevator music. We're here."  
  
The doors opened.  
  
Shuldig looked in.  
  
And promptly fell on his face while choking.  
  
"Mein... Mein Gott! Dieses fette creaky alte Halteseil erhält ihm ein mit diesem Küken! Wieviel zahlte er ihr?[7]"  
  
"The old guyu is Takatori, and that chick is Tot. No, he didn't pay her anything, she gets off on old men."  
  
"Ich denke, daß ich krank sein werde.[8]"  
  
"What, from the idea?"  
  
"Nr., vom alten Halteseil.[9]"  
  
"....ah."  
  
The .....couple decided that they were finished. They both looked in the elevator's direction.  
  
"Ah, Crawford, I see you brought Shuldig. I'm sorry, Shuldig, for the situation I was just in. Pleased to meet you."  
  
"Das Vergnügen ist alles Ihr. Wirklich. Nr., keine Notwendigkeit, Hände zu rütteln, kann ich Sie vom Recht tadellos fein treffen hier.[10]"  
  
"Very well. I take it you will be a permanent member of Schwartz?"  
  
"So lang wie es ist mit.einbezieht als wenig Kontakt mit Ihnen, jeder möglicher Job fein. Ich muß nicht nahe Ihnen gehen, ich?[11]"  
  
"Schwartz's headquarters are in a different apartment building. The only times you'll see me are for mission briefings."  
  
"Danken Sie Gott. Ich nehme ihn.[12]"  
  
"Great! Crawford, go take Shuldig home and settle him in. Make sure he knows about the others. Nice to meet you Shuldig."  
  
"Es war horrible, Sie zu treffen. Lassen Sie uns gehen, Up Herrn Stuck.[13]"  
  
The two members of Schwartz left the office. Shuldig turned to face Crawford, his now erstwhile teammate and leader.  
  
"Andere? Wer sind sie? Und warum sollte ich über sie gewarnt werden?[14]"  
  
"Yes, there are two other members of Schwartz. You only need to be warned about the Irishman. His name's Farfarello, and he's not...stable."  
  
"Er ist ein verrücktes Irres. Und das andere?[15}"  
  
"The other is Nagi. He's a telekinetic teenager with a constant state of male PMS."  
  
"Wie Sie haben Sie einen konstanten Zustand eines Stockes zu weit herauf Ihren Esel?[16]"  
  
"....perhaps. Come on, get in the car."  
  
The drive "home" was uneventful. Well, almost uneventful.  
  
"Shuldig! Get off me! Stay on your side of the car!"  
  
"Aber ich möchte honk das Horn! Bitte! Ooh, Windschutzscheibe Wischer! Signaltonsignalton!! Ha ha![17]"  
  
"You and Farfarello! I can't take you anywhere!!"  
  
"Lichter an, Lichter weg, Klatschenklatschen![18]"  
  
"Where's the Advil?"  
  
The rest of the trip was uneventful.  
  
~TBC~  
  
AN: Yep, it's gonna be several parts, and have a semi-plot! Woo-hoo! Now for translations.  
  
[1] - Holy shit!  
  
[2] - My life has hit a new low.  
  
[3] - Yes, so what?  
  
[4] - You have a stick way too far up your ass.  
  
[5] - Yes Mr. Stuck Up  
  
[6] - I hate elevators for this reason. Where do they get this music?  
  
[7] - My...My God! There's a fat creaky old guy having sex with that chick! How much did he pay her?  
  
[8] - I think I'm going to be sick.  
  
[9] - No, from the old guy.  
  
[10] - The pleasure's all yours. Really. No, no need to shake hands. I can meet you just fine from here.  
  
[11] - As long as it involves as little contact with you as possible, it's fine. I don't have to live here, do I?  
  
[12] - Thank God. I'll take it.  
  
[13] - It was horrible to meet you. Let's go, Mr. Stuck Up.  
  
[14] - Others? Who are they? And why should I be warned about them?  
  
[15] - So he's a crazy madman. And the other?  
  
[16] - like you have a constant state of a stick too far up your ass?  
  
[17] - But I want to honk the horn! Please! Ooh, windshield wipers! Beep beep! Ha ha!  
  
[18] - Lights on, lights off, clap clap! 


	2. Continues...

AN: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!! Yes, this is Minea's muse Shimegami!! I have broken free and continue this fic!! *cackles maniacally, Tomo-style*  
For all you people who reviewed badly, this is your answer!! *flips the compy the bird, cackles, this time Naga-style* Yes, this is the part   
where we all discover Braddykin's "secret". *more cackling Tomo-style* And where SchuSchu magically "appears" to learn Japanese.  
  
Crawford opened the door, and Schuldig stepped in the apartment.  
  
"Wow....nice digs!"  
  
Crawford's right eyebrow twitched. "You know Japanese."  
  
"Yep."  
  
The other eyebrow twitched. "You mean to tell me that all that forcing me to listen to horribly spoken German....could have been avoided?  
I didn't have to listen to someone who sounded like he stepped out of an online translator...?" Both eyebrows began twitching.  
  
Schuldig's smile became strained. Really shouldv'e learned that German better...  
  
Crawford calmly walked over to the coffee table, and carefully took off his glasses, just as carefully placing them on the table. As soon as they left  
his hand, he spun around. He gave Schuldig a hostile glare, and cackled, while still glaring. It was quite a feat. Then he took off running,  
waving a gun he magically grabbed out of nowhere.  
  
"I will rule the world!! All you bow before meeeee!!!" He cried as he ran down the hall, waving his gun.  
  
Schuldig sat rooted to the spot he had fallen in. Schuldig didn't know when he had turned into a tree, but it didn't matter.  
  
"Oh my God!!" The Schu-tree squeaked, "It's a reversed Lady Une complex!!!"  
  
(Somewhere else in the animeverse, a certain brunette, currently wearing her glasses, sneezed in the middle of her rant to a certain terrified Chinese youth   
about the disrespect of calling women "onnas" and how they could fight just as well as men. The woman stopped her ranting, befuddled, before  
resuming her tirade at the cowering teen.)  
  
Nagi stepped out of his room, and blinked. He saw a redheaded tree in the living room, and the leader of Schwartz conspiring with the coffee maker.  
He blinked again, and went back into his room. Sometimes, he swore, the real world was turning into one big insane asylum. He shrugged, and  
returned to chatting with this 'BlueEyedBombay' person, who seemed to like him. Yeah, life was good.  
  
~TBC~  
  
Shimegami: *cackles maniacally, Jinnai-style* The next chapter we shall see SchuSchu's reaction to Farfie, and visa versa!! And will Crawford ever  
put his glasses back on? *more cackling*  
  
Minea: *sneaks up behind her muse and whacks it out cold with her blender*  
  
Minea: Forgive my muse. She's a little...off. For all of you who hated this thing, well, it's gonna continue for my muse seemes to like this thing.  
Anyhoo, it won't be updated unless she gets out again. ^^;;;; Bye now. *dissapears in a burst of maniacal laughter and cheese poofs* 


End file.
